There are so many precious things about being a wife and a mother. This is not at all to say that there are not times that I do not look at a fit, made up, obviously single woman and blissfully sigh at the remembrance of such days... but truly, there is no comparing. Those days were free, fun and just right- and I lived them fully. But they were also grueling, hard and often very, very lonely. Now? I do not TRULY wish to be anyone else, or be anywhere else.
This is my list of ten things that are intense, wonderful and irreplaceable about being a Mom and a wife.
10. Constant challenges!
For someone like me, who has struggled with emotional intimacy, the notion of scheduling, and not running away and joining a hippy commune in Arizona, the idea of marriage and motherhood seemed a bit daunting. Well, it is- but then again, so are wild, exciting roller coasters. My point is, committing to a non-casual, life long family unit has been the most wonderful decision of my life. It has given me cause to heal, address myself with honor and respect and finally learn what it means to trust and love in a vulnerable and unashamed way. In a family, it's never about you- and that's what makes it work! Tristan is all about me, and I am all about him- we work hard to take care of each other without excuse, without expecting anything back... to love and to cherish, in sickness and in health. We don't always succeed perfectly, but the intention is never broken. It's a beautiful and difficult vow- but there is hardly anything that makes two human beings stronger in bond.
9. Always Something to Celebrate.
There is nothing better than creating a legacy with someone deserving and deliberate. Every family's legacy (ies) are different- but certainly, for Tristan and I, it's all about children- the walking, talking legacy. Daily, we celebrate our changing lives- our daughter, our soon to arrive son, the gifts we have been given, every test we face. We know there is nothing we cannot overcome together. And we're actively excited to show our kids how to walk in light and faith- even if their faith changes over the years, by all means, they will have been shown the difference that true love around you, supporting you and supplying you, makes. Even on the darkest days, there is nothing that brings me more joy, and more cause to rejoice, than that... We are so lucky and we are so blessed to be with each other.
8. Playtime...
Not just for Gwen! I take advantage of play time too- and sometimes, I think I might be having more fun with Gwen's finger paints, crayons or puzzles than she is. As adults, we constantly forget how important it is to just PLAY. It doesn't need to have order. It does not need to have a story plot that makes any sense at all. We forget that we need to sit down and lose ourselves in our imaginations, or in a tickle fight or while swinging on a rickety swing set. Having kids is the perfect reminder... Just as important as it is to look professional, provide for your family, be healthy and wise- it's also super important to cut loose, be dorky and childlike at least every once in a while. (If your tapping in to your childish nature at least once a day, I think you're doing alright- and I bet you are a million times happier for it.)
7. Little Surprises.
It helps that Tristan likes to do this kind of thing too. A little silly drawing here or there, a rose from the garden or a favorite candy bar- little gifts that take 2 seconds are my absolute favorite. They are a tiny breath of fresh air in the middle of a smoggy, hectic city. It's the perfect way of reminding the one you love, "Hey- everywhere I go, you are always with me- and I like it that way."
6. Watching the Baby Brain
Sometimes Gwen's thought process is just like watching a little train set chug by. It is the most endearing process. Children are so, so smart! And how awesome is it to watch them figure out, for the very first time, something as easy as opening or closing a door, unscrewing the top of something or coloring on paper? As grown ups, this is old hat- but the sparkle in their eye as they unveil such a masterful new trick to you is delightful and totally timeless. They get so genuinely excited! Their version of figuring out a car seat's buckle is the kind of excited we would be if someone gave us a dragon to ride to and from work... or to the store and back. I absolutely love it.
5. Feeling OLD.
For those of you who know me well, this statement being in my top 10 list will not surprise you or cause you to ponder too much. There are days where my bones ache from stupid injuries, I am so tired that I can hardly keep my eyes open, I'm chasing around a baby and ranting about politics and suddenly, this thought comes in to my mind... "Man. I feel old!"... and then I smile. I adore the idea of getting old. The notion that my life is evolving everyday to be near to totally un-about me and all about God's will and my family's health, happiness and spirit is a strong and delicious drink to me. I love laugh lines. I love gray hair. No one's future is certain, but I feel a great peace and genuine happiness in my heart for the idea that I might leave this earth a bag of wrinkles, with a wildly rich, long and adventurous life behind me.
4. Meltdowns.
This might be odd to say, but meltdowns (from my child or even from my husband) keep me soft. Because of my past, it's easy for me to get a little too strong and sometimes even slightly numb- but when either of my "babies" need me, oh my lord, my heart swells and I am there- hardly anything else matters. That doesn't mean I keep Gwen out of any and all danger, in fact, I deliberately do not- or that I wait on Tristan hand and foot and completely forget my own needs, not at all... more so, it keeps me in balance, so that I can respond accordingly, in a way that is genuine and fits the situation. It keeps me perfectly present in the moment- neither too far ahead or too far behind. My own meltdowns, which do happen, do that for me as well. Thank God that we have those as humans. They are such a good tool to see, visually, when you yourself, or the ones you love really NEED something. They are like the temperature gauge in your car- when that needle hits red, you had better pull over or your engine's going to be shot.
3. True Love.
(How many of you are Princess Bride-ing right now?)
This one is really the mega million, once in a lifetime, I will never take this for granted jack pot of marriage and kids. When you worship God through each other, when you strive for balance, harmony and joy, as a family, every single day no matter what, your life is taken to a whole new level. Tristan taught me this was possible and that it could be real for me. Gwen taught both of us that there is some love that just IS and cannot be shattered, and Izzy is about to teach us that all over again. True love isn't always easy, and it isn't perfect- but it is the most vibrant, estatic force in all of the universe...Honestly, I could go on endlessly about this, so I'll just stop here.
2. Purpose.
No day is without purpose- no moment without a mission or an end goal; a lesson taught, or a lesson learned. Some of those lessons are hard to learn and even harder to teach, but it grants a new depth to life. There is a kind of magic to knowing you are walking a road so many other take, but your journey is completely your own.
1. Time and Circumstance
... means absolutely nothing anymore. As a wife and mother, it can not function as an excuse for one's "bad" behavior, for one's lack of momentum and motivation or any of that. Suddenly, the bar is raised and your children's eyes are the ones looking up at you. This is a lot of pressure, but it's the best pressure. It's the kind of pressure that takes someone from mediocre to extraordinary- that causes people to look in to their hearts twice as often, and be better for it every day. Granted, that's not always the direction that people take with this, but it's my direction. It's freeing and it's incredibly healthy!
And I leave you with these...
The happiest moments of my life have been the few which I have passed at home in the bosom of my family. ~Thomas Jefferson
Family life is a bit like a runny peach pie - not perfect but who's complaining? ~Robert Brault
What greater thing is there for human souls than to feel that they are joined for life - to be with each other in silent unspeakable memories. ~George Eliot
In a household of toddlers and pets, we discover this rule of thumb about happy families - that they are least two-thirds incontinent. ~Robert Brault,
Rejoice with your family in the beautiful land of life! ~Albert Einstein
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