New Baby Jitters!

I am finding myself to be growing with excitement everyday as the baby gets bigger and bigger- moves more and more and that due date gets closer and closer... but there is a new feeling with this one! NERVOUSNESS. With Gwen, I wasn't nervous. I was super pumped up, I felt very ready and I truly had no reason to feel that way other than faith alone... at the time of her birth, we were being put up by some very wonderful and gracious friends, but we still did not have our house and we ended up moving in to a hotel shortly after that. There was no tangible stability in our lives, other than Tristan and I to each other, as a family unit at that point- we were living out of boxes and we were also still in the throws of "new married couple" dom. I don't mean to suggest that our heads were in the clouds, but as far as our roles in our marriage and figuring out how to best coerce each other, we were new.  We have learned A LOT since August 20, 2010. You want to really get to know someone, inside and out? Have a baby with them! Children unlock the most beautiful parts of a person. They also unlock some interesting over exhausted arguments, irrational and emotional too (for both parents) but if you sail through it, it's nothing but glue for a relationship.


So, now that I am really digging the Mommy thing and feeling confident about it, now that I have a home that I am building up and pouring love in to, now that Tristan and I are infinitely closer than we were a year ago- and I've seen what an awesome Daddy he is to Gwen, why am I so nervous about this one? Well, I have been working on identifying the reasons so that I can best prepare myself. I am also sharing this so I might be able to glean some wisdom from you more experienced Moms out there! And by all means, if your not a Mom but you are clever and have wonderful ideas, feel free to tell me what you think too. I'm open to any and all thoughts on this stuff!


Reasons!


1.Routines and I are new to each other...


   As I was lying awake last night, delving in to my swelling apprehension, I believe I have identified one of the main stresses. I have JUST finally managed to get Gwen, my family and I on a daily, basic schedule- for the first time in my entire life. Scheduling my day was not something that I was ever previously very great at, except in short term bursts. Now, I am finding I do actually have a knack for it, but I think because of this newness, I am concerned about the challenge of adding another life in need of scheduling. Subconsciously, I think I have been working out ways to make the day to day things easier- such as rearranging our closet space for easier maneuverability, keeping our room clean, only using a small basket so as not to let laundry pile up, rearranging, baby proofing, cooking meals ahead of time, etc. I think that as I increase the efficiency of our home, I will feel better about this... and it probably wouldn't hurt to let Tristan in on some of this, huh? :) How did you guys manage your routine after the arrival of new baby? What do you find works for you? 


2. My beloved little lion, the non-sleeper. :) 


   Those of you who have been around baby Gwen know that she is not a huge fan of sleeping. (Although, that is steadily getting better! We're napping every day now! And that 9:30 bed time is unwavering.) She is SO in to what is going on around her that she has a very difficult time shutting off to sleep. (And yes, she totally got this from me.) Since it has taken so much time to get her on to a good sleep schedule, I am concerned that when new baby gets here, she's going to decide to toss it out the window, or that she'll be unable to sleep if new baby is colicky or a loud crier. They won't be sharing rooms, and Gwen IS a pretty heavy sleeper... I know this is something I can't truly deal with unless it happens, but I still want to be prepared... does anyone have any advice on this? 


3. Me time!


   If you are reading this blog, you probably know me well enough to know that I am kind of terrible at carving out time for myself and sticking to it. (Part of that "bad at routine" thing.) Finally, at one of the busiest times of my life, I have managed to figure out a way to incorporate the artistic, analytical, physical and emotional needs I have in to some sort of set time apart from everything else. I am really terrified that will be something I completely lose grasp of when the new baby arrives. I guess that's just going to boil down to me digging my heels in about it, while being realistic at the same time...I know it will have to be put on hold (for the most part) for a couple months at least- but how do I keep that priority for myself?


4. Breast feeding





5. Recovery from Labor


   So many things are going to be different about this delivery, I don't know WHY I am even tackling this in my brain right now. Last time was in a hospital (which I wholly did not want) but it was as best of an experience as I likely could have had- minus in the end I was rushed and in my anxiety, I made the stupid decision of overriding my contractions and pushing Gwen out myself. She was fine through all of this, but it really did a number on my body, and threw my lower back, neck and hips completely out of whack. I can safely say that my recovery was about eight million times worse than labor. It was freaking awful- I mean, traumatic- and I managed to get a stomach virus two weeks after delivery too. Which ripped my couple remaining stitches from tearing...THAT was horrid. But there were so many contributing factors to that- I knew giving birth on my back was not going to be right for me, and it wasn't- but this time I am going to be in water and most of that back pressure will be relieved. My body will have done this once already, so the likelihood of the overall labor being easier is much better. During recovery, I won't be trying  let my husband sleep, sleep myself and nurse a baby in a single hotel room... there are a ton of things that are going to be different, and I am sure that it won't be nearly as stressful. Still, labor doesn't scare me- the recovery does. :/


Time for 5 things I am NOT worried about! :) A good way to counteract nervousness and concern, I have noted. 


1. Love!


   I am not worried or concerned about being capable and able to love little one as much as we do Gwen- nor am I worried about Gwen's affections for new baby. She is SO in to other kids and absolutely loves being around anybody and everybody- and doesn't get jealous as long as she still gets some attention and is allowed to be involved.  She is perfectly content to play by herself for a while too, except for on the rare days when she is all about being held. (Which usually means teething.) I think the relationship between big sister and little one will be natural and I think she'll take to it really well- that is, until they are old enough to start brawling. I am sure there will be impressive fight sequences and lots of time outs! :) 


2. Tristan


   Truly, I am not at all worried about his dedication to being a good husband and a good father. No doubt there will be some challenges that arise from sleep deprivation and aggravation from work, but we've come so far and have come through so much that I am hardly phased by this! (Feels SO amazing to say that.) He's going to continue to be an awesome Daddy! 


3. Finances


   Despite my concerns about breast feeding failure, I am truly unconcerned about managing our money. Both Tristan and I are pretty excellent at making a penny go a long way, and have already managed to save a TON of money on little Gwen. It will be a stretch at times, but I think everything will be just fine. We are the masters of tasty cheap meals! And being super crafty. 


4. Baby stuff


  NOT worried about having enough for new baby! Even if new baby is a boy (as we all suspect) Gwen was dressed in mostly unisex things as a newborn, and a lot of her clothes she has recently grown out of are boy appropriate too. Also, we have so many friends with babies and young kids, I know we won't be hurting for anything. :) Love you guys! 


5. Knowing What to Do


   Gwen was always an easy baby, although demanding, but she presented us with a wide array of challenges! Outside of a major illness or injury, she's put us through it all. :) So we've learned a lot! We know a million tricks on how to deal with teething, head bumps, rashes, cuts, bruises, stained clothing, huge poops and even peeing on furniture and car seats. Honestly, we loved learning the ropes with Gwen, (and continuing to) but it will be nice to not have to focus so much on what we are doing and if we are doing it right. 


So there you have it guys! A little insight in to my ever running prego brain. :) If you have any tips, advice through the grape vine, first hand experience stories, please comment! You all are the best and I love you. Thanks for reading this one!